I know it’s gonna sound like a big excuse, but yes, I have been so busy with what is happening and about to happen in my life. I have written any pieces on this blog. I know I don’t have many followers, but to tell you the truth, I love writing ’em down; it makes me feel better; it helps release the pain and stress.
Lately, I have been going to gym, eating more and sleeping abundantly. I aim to gain more weight for my big day coming up soon. I have been working so hard and have gained 10 kilograms. If you are like me, someone who struggles to add more digit to the weight, you know how it feels. It takes forever for me to gain muscles and be fit. However, within these two to three months I have been training myself hard for the aforementioned result.
God, have mercy! Last week, I woke up in pain. I couldn’t raise my right arm, so I use the help of my left arm to get out of bed. I didn’t know what happened, so I didn’t tell anyone. I thought the pain will go away as it normally did in the past. I used to lift heavy stuff and work at the farm; therefore, feeling muscle pain wasn’t a surprise to me. However, this one seems to be a different one. It’s been here for awhile now, two weeks to exact. I couldn’t perform my gym routines now. I am experiencing pain in the shoulders. At first it was my right shoulder, and then the left one followed suit. Now I can’t do any shoulder exercises, so I only work on my triceps and biceps, and sometimes my front and back body parts and some leg exercises. As my pain has progressed, up until today, I have to pause doing those exercises.
Not being able to gym isn’t my biggest problem at the moment, but healing the pain is my main priority. This morning I woke up with difficulty. Like any other day, I tried to get up by swinging my feet upward and downward so that it can lift my body up. It might sound funny to you, but it is painful to me.
Right after I got up, something coming up in my mind. “It won’t go away if I don’t do anything.” Then I grabbed my phone and google my symptoms. I wanted a bunch of videos to realize that my pain is related to something called Shoulder Impingement caused by the rapid movement of the muscles and tissues around the areas of the shoulders. The worse case scenario is that it might develop to Rotator Cuff Tear, which is the tear of a big tissue connecting the shoulder and the arm. If this happens, surgery is needed. And you guess what I was thinking while learning about this. I was shock and in distress.
This upset me and everyone around me. The worse thing is that it looks and sounds like it is all my fault for having this medical problem. Can it be because of my gym routines? It seems to me that I don’t really do anything else that might cause this to happen. But should I take the blame for being sick or for not being careful enough? Do I want it to happen? It just discourage me from doing what I normally do including going to work and hanging out with friends or family.
If this doesn’t make it the worst, I have just realized that I have had a bump on my wrist. After checking the symptoms online, I do know it is not always accurate, it am having something call wrist ganglion cyst. Crazy? YES. This one doesn’t bother me much as the above-mention shoulder pain. However, you should know how I feel to suddenly have a cyst on the wrist. It only feels a mild pain when I touch it. Still I have to see the doctor.
God, this is heavy. All of these also attribute my neck pain. My left part of my neck is aching, but it isn’t too bad. I mean this happens to me from time to time. Please don’t make it serious.
Sometimes I feel like telling others how I feel so that I can be taken care of. On the other hand, I sound weak and pitiful. It makes me feel so small and I start to lose my independency and confidence.
I know the only thing I can do know is the rest and visit the doctor. Like other people here in my country, there are two main concerns I am considering. First, if I don’t exercise, it is hard for me to gain weight and muscles; therefore, I expectedly will fall sick again. If you follow my blog, you know that I get sick easily. That’s why I have been changing my daily routines and started going to the gym. Second, we don’t have healthcare to cover the hospital cost. Don’t get me wrong. We do have something called បសស (government insurance); however, not many use it here because it is hard to process the documents, and they don’t really care much about you since you are using public healthcare. I know this should not happen anywhere around the world, but I does happen in CAMBODIA, the Kingdom of Wonder.
My positive mindset almost comes to an end. I have had really little faith in life now. Please make it pass, so I can continue living and continue to find the purpose of our existence.
Meanith Notes 