how to fight my thought – Meanith Notes

Changed, I have

Well, it seems to me that I only hit this blog when I feel down. Why not when I feel motivated? Because plain teaches you more than success. Happiness is just an illusion.

Arguing with a person you love hurts you more than anything, especially when you don’t want to even win over the argument. Trust me, I don’t want to, but the introvert beast inside me is doing so much damage to me than the words I am hearing. I am combating myself from time to time.

It is hypocritical and kinda contradictory that I am bad because I am good; however, when I try my best to be bad, I feel awful. No, no one wants me to be bad; people just want me to someone is right, at least most of the time.

Am I being rejected? Really? Being who I am is not acceptable. I know I can be careless and sometimes I don’t even care about what is around me. And, yes, that bugs others. Paying attention to detail, or every detail, is considered matured, at least in my case. And you know what? I haven’t been doing it.

Yes, I have to change. I will, but this will eventually hurt the people I care about the most. I know when I stop asking for suggestions, I’ll go rogue.

‘I know what I am doing.’

‘I have already planned it out. Don’t you worry.’

‘Right or wrong, it’s my choice. I want to do it.’

‘I think I know how it works. You can shut up now!’

I just can’t imagine saying such things to people I love and care for because I know how it feel to be rejected, and that’s why I have been agreeing to most of the offers. However, I have observed my behavior lately, and I found out that I’ve changed. I have changed in so many degrees, angles and perspectives. I have also changed my personality and my characteristics. I am not saying that all the changes are bad, but I am stating the points.

Well. I have to continue changing myself, for reality is eating me up if I don’t. Yes, do what you don’t like sometimes. It might also helps you discover your new self. And if you asked me why I need to find my new self, I would need to answer that because ‘I know what I’m doing; you can shut up for now.’

The Dark Room

Why do people do what they do? I don’t seem to fully understand this, and I do know that many others don’t either. Human is a mysterious creature to understand. Science has not scientifically (really?) proved the existence of people yet. What I am saying is that we don’t understand ourselves.

People do what their emotion leads them to. That is part of the truth. You don’t have to debate, but feel free to share your idea with me on this. Frankly, we are run by our emotions. Sometimes we are sad, happy, excited and more, and we tend to act accordingly. Alright, let’s go straight to the point.

Don’t you think we are living in our world by ourself. Each of us. We all have our own specific world. We live in the one we prefer, we imagine. Some share their worlds, but some are very conservative. We lean to what we feel right, not necessarily the universal right. When we think it is right in our world, we want it to right in any others’. That’s why we always question everyone’s choices, way of life, choice of clothes, job preferences, and others. We acquire our own philosophies, and we don’t seem to like others’ much. Remember? We are living in our own WORLD, and we make our rules. Not saying it is bad; it is no false.

But why is it dark? Your choices aren’t, nor are other people’s; the truth is. We all have come across some if not tons of ugly truths such as you get more attention if you pretty, you tend to be successful if your family is, people with more money are more powerful, or women are physically weaker than men (majority). Isn’t it dark?

Most of us, including me, can’t run away from the dark truth, the reality. Things are running through our head and we cannot do anything about it. We can’t stop the thoughts, nor can we change what has already happened. A lot of people have been telling me to stop trying to figure out what the problems are, but instead they want me to move on and forget the bad things. I bet you have tried it, but failed.

Thoughts are fighting, even now, and they never stop.

Worries, anxieties, excitements, imaginaries, …etc, you name it.