Hello everyone. It has been a very long time since I last wrote on this blog. Many things have happened; some great stories to tell and some bitter experiences I still find hard to expose.
I am turning 30 in no time, and there are many goals hanging awaiting for me to achieve. Let’s face it; it is high time in life, and it seems unreachable. I will share more interesting stories and life lessons on this blog. Stay tuned and keep in touch.
Signing off,
Well, we all like to think that we are a good person. We want to be viewed as good. Some might try to argue, but you don’t have to lie to others; you know what you are thinking deep inside.
I want to be a good person myself. Let me tell you what I want to be.
I want to be a good husband.
I want to be a good father.
I want to be a good employee.
I want to be a good leader.
I want to be a good son.
I want to be a good son-in-law.
I want to be a good brother.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good teacher.
I want to be a good citizen.
I want to be …
See? The list just goes on. However, what do I need to be all of these? Time and money. Why? You answer it.
Maybe I can’t be any of them above. Maybe I’m destined not to fit in any category.
What is your thoughts?
ធ្វើរឿងដដែលៗរាល់ថ្ងៃ ហើយគិត និងធ្វើអ្វីតាមគេតាមឯង ព្រោះវាមិនធ្វើឲ្យយើងមានសម្ពាធខ្លាំង។ ទូទៅយើងតែងខ្លាចធ្វើអ្វីដែលថ្មី ព្រោះខ្លាចថាធ្វើមិនបានល្អ ហើយណាមួយខ្ជិលធ្វើតែម្តង។ ខ្ជិលរៀនរបស់ថ្មី ព្រោះហត់ចិត្ត។
សុំនិយាយបែបមិនវាយប្រហារមួយ។ មនុស្សចាស់ៗមួយចំនួន មិនបានព្យាយាមយល់ពីក្មេងៗទេ។ គាត់តែងគិតថា ខ្លួនឯងធ្វើអ្វីក៏ត្រូវ។ ជួនកាលការដែលគាត់ធ្វើហ្នឹង វាត្រូវមែន តែត្រូវកាលពីគាត់នៅក្មេង ហើយគំនិតខ្លះដែលត្រូវ ឬមិនត្រូវពីមុន វាអាចនឹងបញ្ច្រាសវិញ។ បើនិយាយឲ្យអស់ទៅ ក្មេងៗខ្លះក៏ក្បាលរឹងដែរ ហើយគិតថាខ្លួនក្មេងទាន់សម័យ ធ្វើអ្វីក៏ត្រូវ ដោយមិនស្តាប់អ្នកដទៃ។
ចឹងគួរគិតបែបណាវិញ?
ឈឺក្បាលណាស់។ អ្នកសរសេរហ្នឹង គិតថាខ្លួនត្រូវដែរមែន?
ចុះអ្នកវិញ គិតម៉េច?
អ្នកខ្លះឃើញគេមានបាន ចង់បានដូចគេដែរ ប៉ុន្តែមិនដែលឃើញខំប្រឹងរកទេ។ អ្នកណាក៏ចង់កើតមកមានស្រាប់ដែរ ប៉ុន្តែបើកើតមកក្រក៏យើងកែប្រែអ្វីមិនបានដែរ ដូច្នេះមានតែខំរក ហើយសន្សំប្រាក់យកទៅវិនយោគ ទោះតិចក្តី ច្រើនក្តី។
យើងឃើញគេសប្បាយចាយលុយ យើងក៏ចង់ចាយបែបនោះដែរ ប៉ុន្តែយើងគួរតែគិតគូឲ្យបានឆ្ងាយបន្តិចចំពោះការគ្រប់គ្រងហិរញវត្ថុផ្តាល់ខ្លួន។
កុំចាយតាមគេ ចាយមើលហោប៉ៅខ្លួនឯង។
មិនមែនឲ្យឈប់ចាយលុយ ហើយសន្សំទាំងអស់នោះទេ តែគួរណារកវិធីសាស្រ្តបង្កើនទ្រព្យឲ្យមានលំហូរសិន (cash flow) សឹមចាយបែបធូរៗ។
នេះនិយាយប្រាប់ខ្លួនឯងផងដែរទេ បើមានខ្លួនក៏យកខ្លះទៅ។ 😂😂😂
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ស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯង គិតគូរខ្លួនឯងមិនយើងគិតពីអ្នកដទៃ។ ជួយគេជារឿងល្អ ប៉ុន្តែ ជួយគេអស់ពីខ្លួន ហើយមកដេកចាំជំនួយវិញ គឺជារឿងគួរជៀសវាងបំផុត។ ចូរកុំឲ្យខ្លួនធ្លាក់ក្នុងរណ្តៅនេះ។
ការដែលស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯង មិនមែនជារឿងដែលខុសនោះទេ។ ផ្ទុយទៅវិញ វាគឺជាអ្វីដែលមនុស្សគ្រប់រូបគួរតែធ្វើ។ មនុសមួយចំនួន តែងតែយកអាសារអ្នកនៅជុំវិញខ្លួយ ហើយភ្លេចមើលថែរខ្លួនឯង។ វាមិនខុសនោះទេ បើយើងចង់ជួយគេ តែយ៉ាងណាមិញ បើយើងគិតឲ្យអស់ទៅ តាមពុទ្ធសាសនាក្តី តាមវិទ្យាសាស្ត្រក្តី ដើម្បីឲ្យយើងបន្តជួយគេបាន លុះត្រាតែយើងជួយខ្លួនឯងសិន ព្រោះបើយើងដួល នោះយើងនឹងមិនអាចជួយគេបានទៀតនោះទេ។
ក៏ប៉ុន្តែ អ្នកខ្លះស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯងលើស ក៏ជ្រុលទៅធ្វើបាបអ្នកផ្សេង ដើម្បីឲ្យខ្លួនឯងបានខ្ពង់ខ្ពស់។ នេះមិនមែនស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯងនោះទេ គេហៅថាលោភ។
សរុបមកវិញ ធ្វើអីក៏ធ្វើទៅឲ្យតែធ្វើឲ្យខ្លួនឯងសប្បាយចិត្ត ប៉ុន្តែព្យាយាមធ្វើយ៉ាងណាកុំជិះជាន់អ្នកដទៃ ព្រោះគេក៏ចង់រស់ដែរ។
គិតយ៉ាណាដែរ?
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“… but why was I not shredding any tears?”
Every night I would sing myself to sleep. I hummed the melody and sang the lyrics in my head. Not a single tiny bit of sound was made. The room was too silent that I could hear the white noise coming out of the lamp. I would stare at one particular spot of my ceiling until my brain formed a picture of things, sometime things that had never existed. I would change the spot the next night so that I would entertain myself with a different picture every night. The house was so quiet after everyone had left. I remember vividly the loud noise my dad used to talk. My mom would sit quietly doing her paperwork. She was still working at her 50s. My older brother was a nerd, but he liked rock music, and he liked it loud. I could hear them songs clearly from room through two walls. I couldn’t imagine how my younger sister could stand living wall to wall with my brother. His favorite was Linking Park’s In The End, and it was also mine.
Everyday was alike; nothing was special about this family until the spread of a pandemic in 2020. They called it Covid-19. I didn’t know what it was; all I knew was the millions of deaths would wide. The disease was not as scary as the economy. It saw a huge plummet that had never seen before, even more intense than the great depression during the 1930s. People were panic and no one was happy, and neither was my family.
We went through the pandemic like champs because non of us went out, nor did we work. We stayed in and did the usual thing we had always did. My brother would stay in his room listening to his loud rocks, my sister would locked herself in her room doing something I had never known, my mom would just sit at her death table doing her work for the fact that she was the only one working during that critical time to support the family, and my dad would be at the backyard smoking and drinking wine and beer. He wanted to smoke and drink as much as he could, but our budget didn’t allow, so he needed to save every drop of his alcohol drink. He only smoked half of the cigarette in the morning and so that he could enjoy the other half in the evening before dinner. Dinner to us was a fancy word. We had not had a proper diner since Covid-19 started. My mom would only allow half of the meal we used to have, so every one only had a small bowl of rice and a piece a fried dry-fish.
So where have they gone? Everyone? I woke up one morning just to find out everyone was gone. I didn’t what had happened the night before, or probably the year before. I felt exhausted and lifeless. It was weird at first, but I got used to it fast. I thought everyone died, or they was fed up with me and moved out without me. I thoughts a lot, but why was I not shredding any tears? I guess I was the who who was fed up with living in such family. I used to hate my family, not any one in particular. I used to think running away from home and never ever coming back, but I never did. So where are they now? What happened to them? I don’t miss them actually; I am just curious. I want to be ready for my time. Was it hurt? I mean when they was killed? If they were killed. or Was it hurt to leave me? If they left me. I haven’t had the answer for 10 years now, so this doesn’t really bother me much.
The boy next door experienced the same thing. He is the only friend I have now. His family suddenly disappeared and he had no clue. He sounded and looked rather stupid when he was telling me what he found out the morning he woke up in bed alone.
Every midnight, he and I would climb to the rooftop and look at the sky. We hope one day they will come again.
Meanith Notes 