Hello everyone. It has been a very long time since I last wrote on this blog. Many things have happened; some great stories to tell and some bitter experiences I still find hard to expose.
I am turning 30 in no time, and there are many goals hanging awaiting for me to achieve. Let’s face it; it is high time in life, and it seems unreachable. I will share more interesting stories and life lessons on this blog. Stay tuned and keep in touch.
Signing off,
Well, we all like to think that we are a good person. We want to be viewed as good. Some might try to argue, but you don’t have to lie to others; you know what you are thinking deep inside.
I want to be a good person myself. Let me tell you what I want to be.
I want to be a good husband.
I want to be a good father.
I want to be a good employee.
I want to be a good leader.
I want to be a good son.
I want to be a good son-in-law.
I want to be a good brother.
I want to be a good friend.
I want to be a good teacher.
I want to be a good citizen.
I want to be …
See? The list just goes on. However, what do I need to be all of these? Time and money. Why? You answer it.
Maybe I can’t be any of them above. Maybe I’m destined not to fit in any category.
What is your thoughts?
We all have this one spot where we go to whenever things don’t go right. I’d like to call it the dark corner. To me it is a safe place, silent and alone, yet not lonely. I usually visit this spot once in a short while to see how dark it gets through time, or how brighter it becomes after putting so much effort to light it up. Even though we all have it, it is various from person to person. And it is caused by different factors in life.
Have you ever felt empty while you have everyone around? You feel that you don’t even belong there/here. You sound hopeful yet you know it’s a denial. You tell yourself every day that life must go on whether you want it or not; it doesn’t stop here, or unless yo… well I don’t have to finis the sentence, do it? Don’t be a fool. Even if you die, the problem will not solve itself; it is passed to others, worst, it might be passed to the people you love and care for the most. Still you are in your dark corner and looking for a way out, still haven’t succeeded.
Have you been told that you are a loser? Have you been thought to be successful and turns out the opposite? Has anyone said something like ‘I thought you were my only hope’ to you? Read the question again, slowly this time.
I bet we all have been through this and yes we have that dark spot where we appreciate so much that you don’t wanna share with anyone, not even with your partner. Special! I sometimes feel guilty for not being able to share my thoughts in a straightforward way. I can’t. I just am unable to express it the way common people could comprehend. All they do is judge.
I’m quite pessimistic and hopeless, but it’s funny that I teach people to be optimistic and hopeful. Here the irony is. I only try so that others might be motivated and start it over. They don’t deserve to swim through thing like I have been experiencing. Am I passive? Yes. Because all I wish to see in others is greatness and joy. I can’t now. I am all alone on a boat paddling on an endless lake. I can’t be thinking too much about others. I have to live. Like my previous post, I encouraged others to be selfish because I know people aren’t like us, seeing the world as a better place for everyone. They see us as a door mat they can step on and feeling no guilt whatsoever.
This dark corner of mine starts to show itself: I’m pissed. What is so wrong about being pissed? Non. You only become who you are, the real one. The worst thing is that I’m a passively pissed person; I don’t go around pouting my fingers on others; I take it all, by myself. Stupid, sometimes I call myself.
It’s too dark here. I can’t even see what I typing.
You heard me, how is yours?
This is not a random thing which happens to almost everyone in this planet. We all faced, have faced, are facing, and will face the problem(s). It is just a matter of time. When you have a problem, you need a solution, or more. To be frank, you do need the one that works things out. There are solutions out there, but all you need is the one that solves your problem. And this is the hardest.
How often do you face problems in life? Every day if not every moment. You make decisions almost every breath of your entire life; some might have more than another. One might have be bigger that another.
Psychologically, we all seem to lose focus when our head is heating up because it is working nonstop and working harder. On the other hand, we physically experience headache and fever; it is normal.
However, what I am trying to say here isn’t how bad the experience of having the headache is; I am seeking some motivation for myself to run through this bad time. Well, BAD TIME is every time. I don’t know how you view life or how your life has been, but mine seems so difficult and it is hard for me to move on. Is it because of how much wealth I own? I used to think that I could be happy without much money. Have I been wrong about life? What do you think?
Money doesn’t make sad or heats up my head, but because the lack of wealth, it prevents me from doing what makes me happy. Does that also happen to you as well?
#problems
ធ្វើរឿងដដែលៗរាល់ថ្ងៃ ហើយគិត និងធ្វើអ្វីតាមគេតាមឯង ព្រោះវាមិនធ្វើឲ្យយើងមានសម្ពាធខ្លាំង។ ទូទៅយើងតែងខ្លាចធ្វើអ្វីដែលថ្មី ព្រោះខ្លាចថាធ្វើមិនបានល្អ ហើយណាមួយខ្ជិលធ្វើតែម្តង។ ខ្ជិលរៀនរបស់ថ្មី ព្រោះហត់ចិត្ត។
សុំនិយាយបែបមិនវាយប្រហារមួយ។ មនុស្សចាស់ៗមួយចំនួន មិនបានព្យាយាមយល់ពីក្មេងៗទេ។ គាត់តែងគិតថា ខ្លួនឯងធ្វើអ្វីក៏ត្រូវ។ ជួនកាលការដែលគាត់ធ្វើហ្នឹង វាត្រូវមែន តែត្រូវកាលពីគាត់នៅក្មេង ហើយគំនិតខ្លះដែលត្រូវ ឬមិនត្រូវពីមុន វាអាចនឹងបញ្ច្រាសវិញ។ បើនិយាយឲ្យអស់ទៅ ក្មេងៗខ្លះក៏ក្បាលរឹងដែរ ហើយគិតថាខ្លួនក្មេងទាន់សម័យ ធ្វើអ្វីក៏ត្រូវ ដោយមិនស្តាប់អ្នកដទៃ។
ចឹងគួរគិតបែបណាវិញ?
ឈឺក្បាលណាស់។ អ្នកសរសេរហ្នឹង គិតថាខ្លួនត្រូវដែរមែន?
ចុះអ្នកវិញ គិតម៉េច?
Many people, mentors, gurus, and books suggest that EVERYTHING is possible. Personally, I start to doubt this idea.
Can you convince me that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE?
Try now! I AM EAGER TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS. 🤔🤔🤔
អ្នកខ្លះឃើញគេមានបាន ចង់បានដូចគេដែរ ប៉ុន្តែមិនដែលឃើញខំប្រឹងរកទេ។ អ្នកណាក៏ចង់កើតមកមានស្រាប់ដែរ ប៉ុន្តែបើកើតមកក្រក៏យើងកែប្រែអ្វីមិនបានដែរ ដូច្នេះមានតែខំរក ហើយសន្សំប្រាក់យកទៅវិនយោគ ទោះតិចក្តី ច្រើនក្តី។
យើងឃើញគេសប្បាយចាយលុយ យើងក៏ចង់ចាយបែបនោះដែរ ប៉ុន្តែយើងគួរតែគិតគូឲ្យបានឆ្ងាយបន្តិចចំពោះការគ្រប់គ្រងហិរញវត្ថុផ្តាល់ខ្លួន។
កុំចាយតាមគេ ចាយមើលហោប៉ៅខ្លួនឯង។
មិនមែនឲ្យឈប់ចាយលុយ ហើយសន្សំទាំងអស់នោះទេ តែគួរណារកវិធីសាស្រ្តបង្កើនទ្រព្យឲ្យមានលំហូរសិន (cash flow) សឹមចាយបែបធូរៗ។
នេះនិយាយប្រាប់ខ្លួនឯងផងដែរទេ បើមានខ្លួនក៏យកខ្លះទៅ។ 😂😂😂
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ស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯង គិតគូរខ្លួនឯងមិនយើងគិតពីអ្នកដទៃ។ ជួយគេជារឿងល្អ ប៉ុន្តែ ជួយគេអស់ពីខ្លួន ហើយមកដេកចាំជំនួយវិញ គឺជារឿងគួរជៀសវាងបំផុត។ ចូរកុំឲ្យខ្លួនធ្លាក់ក្នុងរណ្តៅនេះ។
ការដែលស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯង មិនមែនជារឿងដែលខុសនោះទេ។ ផ្ទុយទៅវិញ វាគឺជាអ្វីដែលមនុស្សគ្រប់រូបគួរតែធ្វើ។ មនុសមួយចំនួន តែងតែយកអាសារអ្នកនៅជុំវិញខ្លួយ ហើយភ្លេចមើលថែរខ្លួនឯង។ វាមិនខុសនោះទេ បើយើងចង់ជួយគេ តែយ៉ាងណាមិញ បើយើងគិតឲ្យអស់ទៅ តាមពុទ្ធសាសនាក្តី តាមវិទ្យាសាស្ត្រក្តី ដើម្បីឲ្យយើងបន្តជួយគេបាន លុះត្រាតែយើងជួយខ្លួនឯងសិន ព្រោះបើយើងដួល នោះយើងនឹងមិនអាចជួយគេបានទៀតនោះទេ។
ក៏ប៉ុន្តែ អ្នកខ្លះស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯងលើស ក៏ជ្រុលទៅធ្វើបាបអ្នកផ្សេង ដើម្បីឲ្យខ្លួនឯងបានខ្ពង់ខ្ពស់។ នេះមិនមែនស្រឡាញ់ខ្លួនឯងនោះទេ គេហៅថាលោភ។
សរុបមកវិញ ធ្វើអីក៏ធ្វើទៅឲ្យតែធ្វើឲ្យខ្លួនឯងសប្បាយចិត្ត ប៉ុន្តែព្យាយាមធ្វើយ៉ាងណាកុំជិះជាន់អ្នកដទៃ ព្រោះគេក៏ចង់រស់ដែរ។
គិតយ៉ាណាដែរ?
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I know it’s gonna sound like a big excuse, but yes, I have been so busy with what is happening and about to happen in my life. I have written any pieces on this blog. I know I don’t have many followers, but to tell you the truth, I love writing ’em down; it makes me feel better; it helps release the pain and stress.
Lately, I have been going to gym, eating more and sleeping abundantly. I aim to gain more weight for my big day coming up soon. I have been working so hard and have gained 10 kilograms. If you are like me, someone who struggles to add more digit to the weight, you know how it feels. It takes forever for me to gain muscles and be fit. However, within these two to three months I have been training myself hard for the aforementioned result.
God, have mercy! Last week, I woke up in pain. I couldn’t raise my right arm, so I use the help of my left arm to get out of bed. I didn’t know what happened, so I didn’t tell anyone. I thought the pain will go away as it normally did in the past. I used to lift heavy stuff and work at the farm; therefore, feeling muscle pain wasn’t a surprise to me. However, this one seems to be a different one. It’s been here for awhile now, two weeks to exact. I couldn’t perform my gym routines now. I am experiencing pain in the shoulders. At first it was my right shoulder, and then the left one followed suit. Now I can’t do any shoulder exercises, so I only work on my triceps and biceps, and sometimes my front and back body parts and some leg exercises. As my pain has progressed, up until today, I have to pause doing those exercises.
Not being able to gym isn’t my biggest problem at the moment, but healing the pain is my main priority. This morning I woke up with difficulty. Like any other day, I tried to get up by swinging my feet upward and downward so that it can lift my body up. It might sound funny to you, but it is painful to me.
Right after I got up, something coming up in my mind. “It won’t go away if I don’t do anything.” Then I grabbed my phone and google my symptoms. I wanted a bunch of videos to realize that my pain is related to something called Shoulder Impingement caused by the rapid movement of the muscles and tissues around the areas of the shoulders. The worse case scenario is that it might develop to Rotator Cuff Tear, which is the tear of a big tissue connecting the shoulder and the arm. If this happens, surgery is needed. And you guess what I was thinking while learning about this. I was shock and in distress.
This upset me and everyone around me. The worse thing is that it looks and sounds like it is all my fault for having this medical problem. Can it be because of my gym routines? It seems to me that I don’t really do anything else that might cause this to happen. But should I take the blame for being sick or for not being careful enough? Do I want it to happen? It just discourage me from doing what I normally do including going to work and hanging out with friends or family.
If this doesn’t make it the worst, I have just realized that I have had a bump on my wrist. After checking the symptoms online, I do know it is not always accurate, it am having something call wrist ganglion cyst. Crazy? YES. This one doesn’t bother me much as the above-mention shoulder pain. However, you should know how I feel to suddenly have a cyst on the wrist. It only feels a mild pain when I touch it. Still I have to see the doctor.
God, this is heavy. All of these also attribute my neck pain. My left part of my neck is aching, but it isn’t too bad. I mean this happens to me from time to time. Please don’t make it serious.
Sometimes I feel like telling others how I feel so that I can be taken care of. On the other hand, I sound weak and pitiful. It makes me feel so small and I start to lose my independency and confidence.
I know the only thing I can do know is the rest and visit the doctor. Like other people here in my country, there are two main concerns I am considering. First, if I don’t exercise, it is hard for me to gain weight and muscles; therefore, I expectedly will fall sick again. If you follow my blog, you know that I get sick easily. That’s why I have been changing my daily routines and started going to the gym. Second, we don’t have healthcare to cover the hospital cost. Don’t get me wrong. We do have something called បសស (government insurance); however, not many use it here because it is hard to process the documents, and they don’t really care much about you since you are using public healthcare. I know this should not happen anywhere around the world, but I does happen in CAMBODIA, the Kingdom of Wonder.
My positive mindset almost comes to an end. I have had really little faith in life now. Please make it pass, so I can continue living and continue to find the purpose of our existence.
This isn’t new to me anymore; feeling weak, temperature rising, and taking medicine. Life has been this way and I am used to it. I am told that I was born a dead baby. I didn’t make a sound when I was out of my mother’s womb. My mother cried and my grandmother folded me with the blank sheet. I was left on the bed next to my sobbing teen mother. People were discussing how I should be buried and how they could help my mother feel better. I have heard this stories a thousand times and never once believed it.
Last week, this story came for a visit and it caught me by surprise. Again, I found myself in a hospital. I slept there for half a day. I went to work the next day. I found some red dots all over my body so I went back home. Before I knew it, I ended up here on the hospital bed once again. This isn’t the last bed I slept on. It’s the new one with new doctors and nurses. New building and new room.
Been asleep for hours that makes me feel dizzy and weaker. The more I sleep, the sleepier I become, and the more I try to sleep. I eat and sleep and eat and sleep.
This morning I woke up again feeling lost and felt distressed and anxious. However, there is a space where I always look out to; the window. I love looking at it and see things. Each time I look at it, I see different picture, perspective. Tell me what you see when you looking out the window.
Meanith Notes 