Changed, I have

Well, it seems to me that I only hit this blog when I feel down. Why not when I feel motivated? Because plain teaches you more than success. Happiness is just an illusion.

Arguing with a person you love hurts you more than anything, especially when you don’t want to even win over the argument. Trust me, I don’t want to, but the introvert beast inside me is doing so much damage to me than the words I am hearing. I am combating myself from time to time.

It is hypocritical and kinda contradictory that I am bad because I am good; however, when I try my best to be bad, I feel awful. No, no one wants me to be bad; people just want me to someone is right, at least most of the time.

Am I being rejected? Really? Being who I am is not acceptable. I know I can be careless and sometimes I don’t even care about what is around me. And, yes, that bugs others. Paying attention to detail, or every detail, is considered matured, at least in my case. And you know what? I haven’t been doing it.

Yes, I have to change. I will, but this will eventually hurt the people I care about the most. I know when I stop asking for suggestions, I’ll go rogue.

‘I know what I am doing.’

‘I have already planned it out. Don’t you worry.’

‘Right or wrong, it’s my choice. I want to do it.’

‘I think I know how it works. You can shut up now!’

I just can’t imagine saying such things to people I love and care for because I know how it feel to be rejected, and that’s why I have been agreeing to most of the offers. However, I have observed my behavior lately, and I found out that I’ve changed. I have changed in so many degrees, angles and perspectives. I have also changed my personality and my characteristics. I am not saying that all the changes are bad, but I am stating the points.

Well. I have to continue changing myself, for reality is eating me up if I don’t. Yes, do what you don’t like sometimes. It might also helps you discover your new self. And if you asked me why I need to find my new self, I would need to answer that because ‘I know what I’m doing; you can shut up for now.’